Every day, we get questions from people about how to use the power of cannabis to improve their life. There have been exactly zero times we’ve been asked about weed strains that help you win the Olympics. But, alas, here we are.
Last week, the news broke that track star Sha’Carri Richardson will not be eligible to compete in the 100-meter race at the Tokyo Olympics after failing a drug test for THC. Now, Richardson has been left off the US relay list entirely, sidelining her from the Olympic games and revealing just how outrageous the situation is.
To begin: marijuana, the scapegoat for this controversy, doesn’t fall under the category of a performance-enhancing drug. Sure, certain strains of cannabis (such as sativa strains) may make you feel energized, but it’s not enough energy to enable you to run around a track at record-breaking speeds.
Some of weed’s biggest superstars stood up for Sha’Carri, and while lots of good jokes were made, the powers-that-be should consider understanding the science behind cannabis, doing more cultural and social learning on why people use it in the first place, and re-examining substance abuse actually looks like in modern times.
In honor of Olympic hopefuls everywhere and in support for Sha’Carri, we bring you weed strains that will (maybe!) help you qualify for the Olympics.
I’m fairly certain that smoking Tokyo OG should be a requirement to participate in the 2021 Olympics. This strain has a reputation for having a staggeringly high THC content and will get you lit enough to light the Olympic torch yourself. Tokyo OG smells and tastes like diesel. The effects will leave you feeling euphoric, and relaxed.
Strain type: indica-dominant hybrid
Promising review: “This strain should be called ‘Tokyo Drift’ because it will send your a** drifting to La la land!”
Nothing screams “Olympics” like a shiny gold medal. Let 24k Gold help make your Olympic dreams come true with deep flavors of citrus and a long-lasting feeling of euphoria. Just make sure you’re not too high to stand on the podium to claim your honor.
Strain type: sativa-dominant hybrid
Promising review: “I was calling for my dog and didn’t realize he was sitting right next to me the whole time. That made me lose it…I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time & things just kept getting funnier from there.”
There are a lot of triples that happen at the Olympics, and it’s important to be prepared for all of them. From triple jumps to flips and laps, Triple OG is the name of the game. This highly-rated strain has a gassy flavor and will make you feel stoned and blissful enough to try out for all 44 sports.
Strain type: sativa-dominant hybrid.
Promising review: “This strain is my favorite and provides an incredible and relaxing high. You will definitely be couch-locked or bed-locked zoning out into another world. HIGHLY recommend this strain be enjoyed late in the day.”
Obviously, if you’re going to try out for the Olympics, you’re going to have to be prepared to Hulk yourself out when the competition heats up. When you smoke the Incredible Hulk, you’ll feel just like Bruce Banner himself, bursting with energy while pain melts away. You’ll also enjoy delicious flavors like pineapple and blueberry.
Strain type: sativa
Promising review: ”Incredible Hulk is a very tasty, high-energy strain. Perfect morning smoke to get your day started and get creative juices flowing, but smoke any more than a bowl and it hits you like a train with an incredibly strong cerebral high.”
Ready to ride the surf all the way to Olympic history? You’re gonna need a strain for that, and Tidal Wave is the way to go. This strain is called Tidal Wave because the high hits you in epic waves while it brings a calming feeling to your mind. It’s also great for treating those surfer aches and pains. (Fun fact: it wasn’t until 2016 that surfing became an official sport of the Olympics.)
Strain type: sativa
Promising review: “This strain provides a good buzz. It has sticky buds and it smells briny like the seafood counter at a supermarket.”
Tell us what you think
What strains would amp you up for the Olympic tryouts? We want to hear from you! Join the conversation on Twitter.
*reviews have been lightly edited for clarity